Reckless Riding

Unless you tell a pregnant woman (repeatedly) that she should be careful, she will ride her bike extremely recklessly. It’s just a fact. We all know this.

Of course this is an inconvenience to you, dear passerby. For you must yell to her as she lumbers by, huffing and puffing her way to the top of the hill.

If you’re lucky she’ll be locking up and you can admonish her while she’s trapped between her bike and the rack. In this case I’d especially recommend doing it while she’s struggling to bend over to retrieve her dropped keys, as she’ll be out of breath and less likely to respond. By all means, do NOT help her pick up her keys. This would reward her for her reckless riding behavior.

Be sure to remind her that once baby comes she won’t be able to ride anymore. Encourage her to purchase a large SUV for her growing family, you know, something really safe.

It is your duty as a human to yell at pregnant women. They can’t help themselves in this vulnerable time. You must remind them of their poor life choices every chance you can. Otherwise they may view themselves as people capable of making their own choices, when in reality they’re just vessels for future humans. This is your responsibility and I expect you to take it very seriously.


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